These days, using someone’s chosen name and pronouns is widely regarded as a meaningful way to show respect and validate their identity, regardless of whether they are straight, gay, or transgender.
However, not everyone follows this practice, often holding onto outdated beliefs or disregarding others’ gender identities entirely.
Bennett Kaspar-Williams, 37, welcomed their son, Hudson, via cesarean section in October 2020, supported by their husband, Malik. At the time, Kaspar-Williams identified as male and used he/him pronouns, though they now identify as non-binary and use both he/him and they/them pronouns. Despite specifying their gender on medical forms, they faced repeated misgendering by hospital staff, who referred to them as a mother rather than a father, according to the Daily Mail.
Kaspar-Williams began transitioning in 2014 after realizing they were transgender in 2011. Although they underwent top surgery, they chose not to pursue procedures on their lower body. Pregnancy and childbirth proved to be both rewarding and challenging, with the consistent misgendering by medical staff dampening the experience.
Even though Kaspar-Williams had made their gender identity clear in their medical records, nurses continued to address them incorrectly during their hospital stay. After Hudson’s birth, Kaspar-Williams has become an advocate for acknowledging that childbirth should not be automatically linked to gender identity.
Reflecting on their experience of being misgendered, Kaspar-Williams emphasized the need to decouple the ideas of womanhood and motherhood. Speaking with the New York Post, they expressed discomfort with being referred to as “mom” despite marking “male” on medical paperwork.
“No one can ever really know whether having children is possible until you try — being born with a uterus doesn’t make conceiving or carrying a certainty,” Kaspar-Williams shared. “That’s why it’s so important that we stop defining ‘womanhood’ in terms of ‘motherhood,’ because it’s a false equivalency that all women can become mothers, that all mothers carry their children, or that all people who carry children are mothers.”
By choosing to embark on the journey of pregnancy after separating the physical act from societal gender norms, Kaspar-Williams’ story sheds light on the complexities of identity and underscores the importance of respecting how individuals define themselves.