An old couple had been married for 50 years.
Every morning (without fail) the man produced a massive fart when he got out of bed and then laughed like a madman.
Also every morning, his wife would admonish him: “One of these days you’re going to fart your guts out.”
It’s Thanksgiving morning.
The old man is sleeping in and the old lady is in the initial steps of preparing the turkey. While she has a handful of turkey innards, she gets an idea.
She tiptoes up the stairs and into the bedroom. She carefully pulls back the waistband of her husband’s jockey shorts and loads him up with warm turkey guts.
An hour later the woman hears him stirring.
She hears his feet hit the floor and then the normal fart-laugh sequence.
The laugh stops abruptly and is followed by a scream, and then 10 minutes of utter silence.
The man eventually comes down the stairs and says to his wife: “Honey, I owe you an apology. For years, you’ve been telling me that I was going to fart my guts out. Today it finally happened, but by the grace of God and these 2 fingers (raises soiled 1st and 2nd digit) I got ’em all back in and I’m gonna be OK.”
An elderly couple, Harold and Edna, had been married for over 60 years.
They had shared everything, talked about everything, and kept no secrets from each other—except for one.
Edna had a shoebox in her closet, and she had told Harold never to open it or ask about it. For decades, he respected her wishes, never giving the box a second thought.
One day, Edna fell gravely ill, and the doctor told Harold she didn’t have much time left. With a heavy heart, Harold sat beside his wife and said, “Edna, I love you. We’ve been through everything together. Before you go, can I finally know what’s inside that shoebox?”
Edna smiled weakly and nodded. “Go ahead and open it, dear.”
Harold opened the box and was astonished to find two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000!
Confused, he asked, “Edna, what is this?”
She took his hand and explained, “Before we got married, my grandmother gave me some advice. She told me that every time I got angry with you, instead of arguing, I should crochet a doll.”
Harold’s eyes welled up with tears. After all these years together, there were only two dolls in the box! “Edna,” he said, overcome with emotion, “that means you’ve only been mad at me twice in 60 years?”
She nodded with a sweet smile.
Harold beamed. “That’s amazing, my love. But… what about all this money?”
“Oh,” Edna said, patting his hand. “That’s from selling all the other dolls.”